The More Things Change, the Less I Feel the Same: Observations Upon Exiting a House of Mirrors

Ah yes, spring has sprung: daylight savings time has destroyed the syncopation of my circadian rhythms, the jacaranda trees are freshly purple, and the first lizard of the season has invaded my shower. Must be time to pack my stuff and move on down the road...

Where are you going this time? Hard sayin', not knowin'...

I have had a most interesting year. Janet says it has been two years and maybe it has. But that 1st year was a maelstrom of chaos and confusion that sucked me in, ground me up, and spit me out on an unplanned-for piece of Florida real estate. It wasn't unfamiliar, just on the "wrong" coast. Or so I thought at the time with my little mind that believes it knows more than the greater whole of which I am a part. (That was new age fore-shadowing, in case you are not yet acquainted with the Universe and its spot-on, wicked sense of cosmic humor.)

Where was I? Oh yes, belched up on a not so foreign shore after a year or so in the belly of the beast. Anyway, once I realized where I was, seemed only logical to settle in for a spell and get a job. So I did. In the aforementioned house of mirrors. Turned down several better paying, more lucrative offers to voluntarily commit myself to an uncensored carnival sideshow. Oh, yeah. Once again I missed the warning and walked right into the train. Sigh...

But this time was different. Right away I recognized that my presence in this seemingly innocuous cube-farm was no accident. This had the Universe's dirty little fingerprints all over it. What else could I do but settle in, fasten my seatbelt, and wait for the ride to begin?

I love rollercoasters.

Probably a good thing, considering how much time I spend on them figuratively. I used to joke about having a "one-way ticket on the rollercoaster of love." Now a closer perusal of this ticket reveals the one-way rollercoaster ride is actually that looping, curving, uphill/downhill, hairpin curved journey called life -- and the ticket is non-transferable.

The Universe blessed me with a collection of co-workers whose convex and concave surfaces reflected starkly the faces of my past. Oh yes, sometimes the nightmares follow you into the light of day. It was hard to watch my former selves plodding through the daily dramascape. It was even harder to not join in the chorus and whine along with old tapes. And the ghosts of my past were unrelenting, harsh, and happy to stir up any dirt and decay swept into corners instead of disposed of completely. It was a long, confusing, loud, frightening, melodramatic year and at the end of it, I am tired and longing for peace and serenity, and honoring of my ability to hang on during the crazy times and not lose what I have worked so hard to find -- myself.

So now, as the rollercoaster jerks and pulls itself up another incline, I have time to take a breath, look around, just be in this moment of relative calm, and not worry about or anticipate the next freefall of exhiliration (I am in the process of re-naming and claiming my fears - can you tell?). And time for a moment of gratitude to all those supporting cast members at TNG who signed up for mirror duty in order to show me not only how far I have come, but that I have the drive and skills to continue this renovation and reclamation of my soul. Ya'll done good.

WAIT! Rollercoaster! I am about to roll out from one coast and move to the other. Good one, Universe, another good one... heh heh heh.